Lions And Tigers and Bears Oh My

Its not everyday you have an elephant in your street...but for me this is the second time in three years and its too often damn it!

The Whirling Brothers have set up their rig in the playing field of the school I live across the road from, and I freakin' HATE the animal based circus. I want them gone.

I'll admit its a total trip hearing the big cats rumble in the evening and seeing the elephant eat its breakfast in the morning but at the risk of sounding like a complete hippie, I'd really prefer to be seeing them out in the wild.

Sob.

I Won't Ruin It For You

Damn it! I seem to be the only person in New Zealand who is watching Lost as it plays on free to air TV here. I keep having the same frickin' conversation with people...

Me: Oh my god, did you watch Lost last night? Wasn't it cool?!

The Others: Hmmm, which episode was it? I've just watched the latest episode that aired in the States. I won't ruin it for you but it gets even better later on. And I can't believe they....oh, sorry

Me: Gaaa!

What You Should Never Have to Know About Your Boss

I had this very disturbing chat with my boss today about his bar fighting days. "See and this scar Meredith? That was from a bottle I got hit with in this bar up in Northland"..."And there was this one time I broke this guys nose and the cops showed up..."

Dude.

Some discussion topics should remain taboo between employee and employer. Here are a few ideas of such topics:

• Bar fighting
• Their sex life
• Your sex life
• Any stories that begin with the line "This one time when I was really drunk...."
• Any stories that begin with the line "This one time when I was really stoned...."
• Anything at all to do with underwear

.....What have I missed.....?

For Use on Horses Only

Oh my god. I noticed this bottle of horse grade muscle relaxant gel on the desk of a work colleague late yesterday afternoon. My mind boggles as to why she would need this kinda stuff on hand when we work in an office. What the hell is she into? Shudder.

Happy License Plate Time

While waiting for my ride this morning I saw the best personalised license plate ever:

STINKYPOO STINKYPOO
WITCYPU
KNICKERS! KNICKERS! KNICKERS!

Heh.

Ew ew ew

Yesterday I discovered the worst possible combination of sounds to hear when you are walking around in your socks (when you have cats that bring in their kills).

Crunch and pop

The Light Side of Hell

While trying (and succeeding) to wind up the office god botherer it occurred to me the other day that I will probably be going to Hell (if there is such a thing) and that it will be filled with other people like me who, realistically, I'll probably get on well with. So will Hell really be so bad if it is going to be filled with a stack of fun-loving, like-minded people? Y'know, forgetting about the murderers, rapists, child abusers and Microsoft employees of course...

Doing Better

I was just thinking...how many times do we say things like "You could do better" to a friend when talking about their current partner? I know occasionally I see a mis-matched pair and think it quietly to myself. But y'know....maybe they can't?

If we really could do better....wouldn't we? With the exception of people in abusive relationships, I genuinely wonder whether we have the best we can expect to have.

Its a depressing thought that keeps going round in my head.

Burnt Chop Syndrome

Oh, and while I am thinking of it... Here's another food analogy relating to my stupid life observations.

Even great cooks occasionally botch the prep or cooking of a meal and this demonstrates some interesting human behaviour which I call Burnt Chop Syndrome.

Imagine if you will someone cooking the evening meal of lamb chops. They accidentally burn one of the chops and when serving they give it to themselves. Yep. We've all done it. People with B.C.S ALWAYS takes the 'burnt chop' yet they resent the fact they are always the one with that 'burnt chop'. It applies to all situations where they are sacrifice for others, hate doing it but can't stop.

I find it interesting that so many wives and mothers are prone to suffer from B.C.S yet very few men are affected......

Black Jelly Bean Theory

ooooh she lives....

I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post. I'm gonna try and make up for it now.

Ok.

I have this theory on love and life that I call The Black Jelly Bean Theory. It stems from the phenomenon of there is always being at least one person around when jelly beans are being consumed, who totally digs those nasty black jelly beans while the rest of us can't stand them.

The Black Jelly Bean Theory suggests that you are best to surround yourself with people who don't like all the same things as you. This way you can trade-in on each others strengths and weaknesses to find a balance of skills, knowledge and attributes that will get you through good times and bad.