Alias

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am always covered in bruises yet can't remember how I did any of them.

All these years I've been thinking I was just a bit of spaz but I've just realised I might just be the most kick arse secret agent EVER! I'm probably some sort of Sleeper Agent - 'activated' at night with my memory wiped in the morning. It explains the bruises, aches and pains, why I feel so tired in the morning and why my keys are never where I left them.

Sweet!

Can We Fix It?

I have had the builders round my place all this morning fixing a bunch of bung stuff around the flat. While they were here I was Skyping with my friend Penny and when I mentioned I had tradesmen in my house she asked whether they had tool belts and were the dancing the YMCA.

My response.....Only if you ask them nicely....

Heh. Being a girl rocks.

Call the Fashion Police

Urgh. I just had a meeting with a woman that was wearing a football style baby-t shirt with pearls....

And a charm bracelet

And I can't remember a word she said....

Streamlined Curry Ordering System

Now don't get me wrong....I enjoy a good curry as much as the next person but after the millionth office lunch at the curry house, I have noticed a pattern which has allowed me to design a new streamlined curry meal ordering system. No more wasted time pouring over the menu, no more embarrassment from pronouncing curry names incorrectly!

I call it the Curry Matrix. Simply enter Mild, Medium or Hot in the corresponding box and hand to your waiter. Ta Da!

	Red	Brown	Yellow
Vegetable
Fish
Chicken
Beef
Lamb

For example:
Rogan Josh = Lamb/Brown/Medium
Butter Chicken = Chicken/Red/Mild
Vegetable Korma = Vegetable/Yellow/Mild
Beef Vindaloo - Beef/Red/Hot

Fantastic.

Don't Mess With The Uber Bitch

Despite it starting off badly I felt I had a good productive day today and thought I'd cleared heaps off my desk....then.... this evening as I was packing up my boss asked me whether I had done a couple of things he'd asked me to do earlier in the day. I hadn't done those particular two non urgent things and I got a 'tut' !! OMG!!

He'd been right there when my team mates had been asking me inane questions all afternoon.... He'd seen all the emails I'd sent out and all the documents I'd prepared during the day and he tuted me! Grrr!

I fumed the whole way home. It wasn't until I sat down for a bourbon that I realised what I needed to do. I went online, accessed my email remotely and trawled through my inbox for the bunch of stuff my boss hadn't followed up on yet and sent happy-go-lucky chaser emails. HA! I logged off and had another bourbon to celebrate. Moowhoooohahahaaaaaahaaaaa

Its A Fine Line

It was only 9.30am this morning when I started getting the uber rage. This does not bode well for the rest of my day. It had been going so well too with a call from my big brother in London, a free ride on the train and a pretty good hair day. Then we had a team meeting.....

There is a fine line between an experienced colleague giving you advice and support regarding your work and them telling you how to do it (here Meredith have some eggs to suck)

Any advice on how to deal with someone trying to manage you who isn't your manager would be warmly received.

Not So Private Dancer

This morning I was woken by the Tina Turner song 'Private Dancer'. My downstairs neighbour had it pumped so loud it was shaking my bed and rattling my windows. She then played it again while I was in the shower and again while I was drying my hair. Right now its playing....

My lawyer friend says I would be best to go for Murder by Provocation because I run a high risk of being locked up permanently if I go for Murder by Reason of Temporary Insanity. I didn't ask him whether that was a generalisation or advice specific to me, just in case I need free legal advice again.

On the bright side if I can master the bass line: 'boom, boom, boomboomboom' then I could play bass for Tina the next time she is in New Zealand.

I REALLY don't need another hero....

Fuel for Life

Hee hee.

This morning on my way to work I noticed that the guy driving the milk truck cruising next to me was smoking a big fat joint! Gave me a whole new appreciation for the brand name 'Meadow Fresh' ...

I Recommend Getting To Work Early...Just The Once

I got into work uber early today and I've discovered something wonderful.....

You know those annoying bastards that are always already at their desk when you normally get in, looking like they've been there for hours? Those people that make you feel like a slacker because you get in after sunrise? They only get in 10 minutes before you!! Its all lies! Now we know their game....spread the word.

And yes, I've been rushing around so that it looks like I've been here for ages....heh heh heh

I Really Am Mean...Honest!

I'm conflicted.

One of my work colleagues' contract expires at the end of the month and it is not being renewed.
No one else seems to be bothered about organising a card and farewell bash for her so I said I'd do it. Now I can't decide whether it is because the build up to her leaving is exciting for me or whether it is because deep down I am a nice person and figure even screw ups that create more work for me deserve a little kindess and support. Crap. I hope I'm not going soft in my old age.