The other morning as I held on to the (loose) hand-rail to prevent myself from being thrown around the bus like the last peanut in the jar, I wondered whether bus drivers derive some sort of sick pleasure from driving like a sadistic bast*rd when the bus is packed and there are a bunch of people standing.
I began to wonder whether bus drivers have to sit some sort of test to check that once all seats on the bus are taken, they can maintain constant bunny hopping based acceleration and all braking can be akin to emergency stops.
I then realised how negative and paranoid this line of thinking was and decided to be a little more realistic.....
It's a game for bus drivers.
With video cameras now installed in all buses the drivers are having some sort of carrier-wide competition. I have no idea whether the name of this game is 'Human Skittles', 'Commuter Derooter' , 10 Pins Bowling or the 'Bus Martini' (shaken not stirred) but I can hazard a guess at the scoring system.
1 point
Commuter swears under breath
Commuters share meaningful/exasperated glance
2 points
Squealing, shrieking and/or screaming
Bus rage exhibited as a result of foot trampling and/or someones handbag being poked into someone else's back repeatedly.
3 points
Crying, sobbing, and/or fetal position
Someone accidentally presses the bell when they stumble and they feel obliged to get off several stops early
Woman wearing a skirt falls down (+2 bonus points , if she is hot and not wearing underwear, -4 points is she not hot and not wearing underwear)
5 points
Head, eye or groin injury suffered by hitting handrail
Bag gets knocks over (+3 bonus if tampons, condoms, KY, fluffy handcuffs, and/or suppositories spill out down the isle)
My bus driver got at least 12 points out of me on that trip.
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7 comments:
Interesting post! I just had a flash back from when I used to ride a bus and it seems that you are right. Every bus driver I have ever came across to wasn ruder and careless.
Hey there, thanks for coming by.
I do have to hand it to the bus drivers as they have certainly found a way to make their job more interesting.... Somedays I wish I could 'ligitimately' cause that level of pain and angst in my job...
So how did you make up your 12 points?
Either something embarassing was released from the bag, or you swore like a pirate.
Gentle, mild Meredith does not swear, oh no no no!
Ahhh...you sure you got the right Meredith? Most of it was indeed swearing but I did have two rounds of bus related rage when the stupid tart in front of me kept standing on my foot with her high heels. I would have laid blame on the bus 'driver' however the slapper was attempting to read a book whilst being thrown around the bus. She didn't even thank me when she feel over so significantly I actually had to catch her to stop her going to the floor. I felt only slightly vindacated by omitting from telling her she'd dropped her bookmark as she fell and giving her evils as she got off the bus.
Maybe I should be a bus driver. It sounds like fun. Of course, I'm no good at video games.
for twelve points - I'm thinking no underwear .......... 'cause 'hot' is a given
Why thank you! I'm afraid I was not eligable for the hot girl falls down category as I wasn't wearing a skirt. The presence of my underwear on that day will forever be a mystery. Moooowhooohahahahaa
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